![]() Users are sly enough to know that they have to be nice to get what they want. ![]() This is a kind of fake altruism because they aren’t helping you out of the goodness of their heart or because they care for you, but because they want to get something in return. When they ask you a way bigger favor in return, you’ll be reminded just how much they’ve done for you already and play on the guilt they’ve already planted in your mind, making you feel indebted to them. They do this by doing a very small favor for you, but blowing it up into a huge deal, stressing that you owe them big time and making you feel guilty that you asked. Users are adept at painting themselves as being super-helpful. It indicates that your value to them is closely linked to the flow of cash from your wallet into theirs. If you’re constantly being asked to pay their way or lend money, and they seem to depend on you as a source of funds, that’s not normal behavior. You should also keep tabs on how often you’re the one reaching for your wallet, covering dinner, taxis, and other expenses when you’re out together. If there are repeated requests to help out, whether it’s just a few dollars here or there or larger sums, you should definitely be wary. We all need a helping hand with finances from time to time, and it’s never a problem to help a friend out once or twice.īut a serial borrower is a different matter. The fact that they’re not interested enough to keep this information in their heads is a strong indicator that they’re not a true friend/partner and are using your friendship/relationship to satisfy some other (self-serving) need. It’s easy enough to ask some questions to find out how few of the important facts in your life they remember. They’ll be unable to retain the information you share about your difficult boss or your ailing parents because it means nothing to them. Since a user is ultimately only interested in taking care of number one, the details of the ins and outs of your family life, your friends, and your day-to-day existence will go straight over their head. Your needs will never be given much consideration. They’ll expect you to devote plenty of time to listening to their self-obsessed monologue, though. When they’re busy focusing all their attention on themselves, they’ll have no interest in what’s going on in your life. It’s all about their jobs, their problems, their successes, their families.Īnd it’s all about what they want, what they need, and what you (and others) can do for them. ![]() They see themselves as the center of the known universe, around which everything else rotates. They’re focused only on themselves.Ī user’s number one priority is him/herself. You may want to try speaking to someone via for empathetic, specific, and genuinely insightful relationship advice at its most convenient. Speak to a certified and experienced relationship coach to help you figure out if you are being used (and what to do about it if you are). Let’s take a look at some examples of typical user behavior to give you the tools to analyze your own relationship for signs that you are being used… The signals to be wary of differ between friendships or relationships with housemates as opposed to romantic partnerships, although some apply to both. If you’re not sure, but just feel that there’s inequity in your relationship, there are certain behaviors to look out for which should raise a red flag and trigger your user-radar. That support is given freely, night or day, with no hidden agenda, and it’s reciprocated without a second thought. If your relationship feels one-sided, remind yourself that friendships and loving partnerships, are two-way streets, full of give and take and mutual support.
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